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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
We're having major problems - although we both wanted Lizzie, chose her together, planned and prepared...now that he is here I love her to bits but my wife is just not coping. It's not Lizzie she is lovely and really well behaved - it is the level of commitment that is too much for her to cope with.

I can't see my wife like this - we only came back from our honeymoon last week...I think we will need to find her a new home but it makes me sob every time I even think of it. I feel such a failure
 

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have eaither of you had dogs before.

dogs are as big a comitment as kids, give it time things will get better, just try and help out a little more.
 

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Don't feel a failure .. caring for dogs is hard work ... its not for everyone ...

Before you rehome her .. please send me a private message :)
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
I'm doing it all! She doesn't even seem to be able to be in the same room as her. I'm in bits as Lizzie is just adorable and I am totally up for all of it including the commitment but I can't see any way out

Thanks for replying
 

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Good advice from Kendal. Remember it won't always be this full on ....looking after Bess is a full time job right now, but it makes me realise just how much easier Maisie has become.

She was even harder work as a pup because she was poorly for a while and was super-clingy, didn't take to a crate at all. But now she is an angel, really no trouble at all.

So, if you haven't had a dog before, it does get easier if you are prepared to put the time in at the beginning. Its very early days for you.....
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
I'm really happy to do it - and Lizzie is sooo good, I would understand my wife's reaction if she was naughty but she isn't. She is pretty much housetrained. Goes in her crate with no fuss. Sleeps 10.30 - 6.30 etc she's not clingy or anything. Totally adorable and I do adore her
 

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It is very hard work having a puppy and it will get much easier over time, by 6 months old Lizzie will be quiet a chilled young lady, but if your wife just can't bond with her or just doesn’t want her ... that may never change and I think she is very brave & honest for admitting it...

Please don’t be hard on yourself or on your wife .. you have just got married and moving house maybe a dog is just not right for you after all ...

There is no shame in admitting something isn't right ... better to admit it now xxx

Just think it through and talk to your wife about it before making any final decisions.
 

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do you know what it is exactly that she is strugeling with.

i do know someone who had isues when they got their puppy, she realy struggled after they got their cockapoo, it was like cabin feaver or something, she felt tied to the house, couldnt go for a walk or a meal because the puppy was too young to be left. she was at the point of crying and realy wanted to give her up. she stresses herself so much. but she stuck with it and wouldnt be without her now.

is she out walking yet? go out for a day trip the three of you. get her invalved, take her too an outdoor caff just sit and enjoy yourselves.


it doesn get better, children are much harder work and much more time consuming, so a puppy is a doddle.
 

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I know you are stuck in for a couple more weeks waiting for vaccinations aren't you? So maybe that is contributing to your wife's difficulties with it all. Sounds like you have had a few life changes recently too.

Maybe when you are all able to get out and about it will be different.

Must be awful for you as you love the puppy. Would your wife be willing to give it a little time?
 

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Poor you, wow sounds like there has been a lot going on in your house lately and although like you say everything was planned etc perhaps it was just a bit soon for a dog.
If you do decide to push through this hard bit I promise you will have a wonderful pet! She sounds an absolute sweetie. Thing is not to feel too guilty if you do have to re home your dog, a few of us have had to do it for various reasons and its tough but if you make sure she has a good home then you have done your bit.
Lizzie will be be better off in a home where she is truly loved and wanted rather than stressing your wife out. Everyone would be much happier. I am sure that if you let us know on here if and when you need to rehome then we will do everything in our power to find the best home you could ask for. So please please don't be afraid to admit you need to rehome Lizzie and let us help in anyway :)
 

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Oh Wisher, my heart goes out to you. What a horrible position to be in. I can't add much more to what has already been said other than to agree that the first few weeks are really tough but that it does get easier as they grow and become more independent. They are by far easier than children too! Sit and have a really long talk with your wife and see if you can work out what is going to make you both happy. I hope you don't have to rehome her but if you do don't feel guilty about it as it's better to give Lizzie a truly loving home as early in her life as possible and your marriage has to come first.
Good luck with whatever you decide.

Clare
x
 

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Just a thought Wisher ..... a new pup takes a lot of attention and also gets an awful lot love. New wives also need a lot of attention and an awful lot of love!! Is there anyone who could puppy sit on a regular basis so that you and your wife could have some quality time together. That's not supposed to sound patronising but it may be that your wife is feeling a little pushed to the side and that your pup is getting a lot of attention that she feels she needs right now?

Karen xx
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
She can't cope with the idea of being tied down for the next 15+ years...even though Lizzie is prob the best behaved puppy in the world she can't cope with the restrictions it will place on us. I need to be brave and put her first
 

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Thanks Clare - I am in bits totally devastTed
Sad to have this stress so early in your marriage. As others have said - maybe too many changes too soon. If you do need to give puppy to be rehomed, she will just be happy to have all her needs attended to, your wife will be much happier not to have to deal with a puppy at this stage, and there is plenty of time to have another puppy in the future when everything settles down for you and your wife.
Best wishes whatever you decide.
 

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can i ask at what point she relized the restrictions of adding a new member to the family?
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
Don't think she realised until we actually had her in our home - we had talked about it a lot. She is really upset too and I don't blame her , I just don't know how to deal with it all
 

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i have contacted the woman i know who was in the same positon as i think talking to her will help.

things do get better, the last thing you want to do is give her up then regret it latter, just give it a little more time.

i realy mean in go out you your wife and izzy, go round the market, go to the beach, go for a walk in the wooks, go for a coffie just go out do things, you can still do lots of thingas and more with a dog.
 

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You are certainly are not a failure !!

You have both just experienced an intensely deep and emotional journey of getting married. When two people go through a ceremony to commit to each other it totally changes the dynamics of the relationship. Many couples who have lived together for decades finally take the plunge, get married and then find that commitment cloustraphobic, and the marriage breaks down. A ceremony sets triggers in the brain and is immensely powerful, it can strengthen or it can constrict.

So taking your new married status in to account, you have also now added a another family member into the mix. That little member is oh so demanding for attention and care....and love which you exude and openly show towards her. That can cause all sorts of emotions from the one watching on. Also that a puppy demands such a high level of commitment to add to the commitment of a marriage. Each independently will take some time to adjust to but together that's a heavy load.

You guys really need to sit down together, without Lizzie, and talk, lay your cards on the table and be totally honest with each other about what you are feeling at that moment. Be calm and kind but don't try to protect each other from saying something that might be hurtful.

If you honestly communicate then you can make a joint decision that you both totally understand and can accept. As for one of you to just give into another could lead to resentment and that is very destructive.

Wishing you all the best, :hug::hug: Julia xx
 

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i have contacted the woman i know who was in the same positon as i think talking to her will help.

things do get better, the last thing you want to do is give her up then regret it latter, just give it a little more time.

i realy mean in go out you your wife and izzy, go round the market, go to the beach, go for a walk in the wooks, go for a coffie just go out do things, you can still do lots of thingas and more with a dog.
Lizzie is a JD pup and is awaiting a second jab xx

Wisher, I really feel for you and I think you are very brave for coming on here and telling us all how it is as it must have been hard. I was in tears yesterday as my allergy symptoms and asthma were all pretty bad and I was thinking I'd have to let Max go which would break my heart..

Anyway, I wish you and your wife all the best, and I really hope you can come to a decision as the worry and sadness must be horrible for you both at the moment.

Hugs to the 3 of you xx
 
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