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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi cockapoo lovers. I picked up my boy on Sunday and he is a great little pup, but I'm having massive problems. My anxiety has gone through the roof, I can't eat and I'm incredibly stressed. I did months of research and have been thinking about getting another dog since our lurcher died a few years ago, but I've never raised a puppy and I've never been the responsible owner - my parents did most of the work. I made a very poor decision to get him without realising the massive weight of responsibility and restriction, and I am calling out for help.
He is doing really well, playful and sweet, toilet training is going well and even now he's not having many accidents inside. We named him Boden but he hasn't learnt it yet. I am in Kent and would only consider rehoming him to the perfect, forever place. I am in tears as I write this. Please help me!
 

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:( Good luck with it. You are smart to realize your mistake so fast rather than struggle along unhappily for longer. They are a HUGE responsibility and every pup deserves a home that is 100% game to take that on.:)
 

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I'm sorry you are having a tough time. I really would urge you to stick with it, it's not even been a week! Take one day at a time, don't have expectations that are too high and come on here to type about your puppy blues! That's all it is. There are many of us that have shed tears when first settling in with a new puppy. It's a huge change to your routine. Give yourself and the puppy time to bond. I am absolutely positive that once you start going day by day and not stressing about puppy, the weeks will soon pass and you will soon love your puppy and begin to enjoy him. Have a good trawl through the forum, you will see lots of people that feel like you and most stick with it and in a few months cannot believe they even considered re homing their puppy.
 

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Well said Karen. It's true - I'm not the only one to feel the shock of a new 'poo in the house. I don't mind admitting that I hated it and was very depressed.
We are through it now. Every bad thing was only a phase that she came out of. (Even though it felt like the end of the world at the time). I'm not pretending that Poppy is now a saint, she's still a young dog with too much fun in her for her own good but you learn mechanisms to distract, train or even just how to cope within yourself.

Stick with it, you'll learn along with your dog. The first few weeks can be a real shock but you'll get through.
Don't forget pups can need up to 18 hours sleep. Without it they can be right little swines.

Honestly, I've written roughly the same lines of encouragement quite few times to other people with pups.

Be patient and good luck
 
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.....and breath.....joking aside though, what is it do you think that is stressing you out most? the lack of freedom? they are fine left for a while and you can always find a good doggy daycare/dog walker to give you a break. worry that you will do the wrong thing? you won't, there are many ways to look after a pup, as long as you are never cruel he will turn out fine. If you come to the decision that it really was the wrong thing to get a puppy (you won't be the first), surely your breeder would take him back and find another home?, all good breeders would want to do that, it may be a good idea to have a chat with your breeder anyway, tell her how you are feeling, say you would like to try a little longer but could she take him back in another week or so if needs be, if the breeder is a good one they should and just knowing you have that option may relieve you of a lot of stress, then you may actually relax and enjoy the puppy. Good luck. Oh and I remember a post on here. maybe a year ago? with someone saying exactly the same thing, but it turned out fine and the puppy stayed. (maybe someone can remember and post a link?), it is a commitment, and can be scary but it is also so wonderful to have a loving companion, and the puppy stage really doesn't last too long.
 

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Hi

I agree with the other replies saying stick with it - but its only you who knows if you really think you can get thru it. The first week can a bit of a culture shock - especially if you have not had dogs for a while and even more so if you have never been the one responsible for your dog.

We hadnt had a dog for over 20 years when we got our cockerpoo and had not had any experience with puppies at all - not even with puppies of friends/family so we didnt have any idea how it would go. And yes the first weeks we had our doubts and fears but I would not change anything about the last 3.5 months since we got Lola. We all love her to bits and cant imagine ever being without her.

Like the other posters said - dont expect too much! You get tired and irrated sometimes, puppies take a lot of energy & time to look after which means we got sod all done for god knows how long. Housework routines and stuff went right out the window until we all learnt how to fit together. Once you find your rhythm with each other things will probably settle right down .

Sometimes it got to the evening and I hadnt managed to get anything done that I needed to , the kids were late to bed, the house looked like a bomb had hit it etc etc. But once the kids were asleep me and Lola used to have a cuddle and snooze on the sofa - lovely bonding time for both of us. And must admit we still do snooze sometimes!

Hope things get easier for you.
 

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I wish you could tell us what part of having the puppy is causing you the stress. We may be able to offer some advice on how to make it easier. I'd hate for you to give up this chance at a wonderful companion over something that with some advice you could get through. The first weeks can be very difficult!
 

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Sourdough - well done for being honest about how you are feeling. I hope that others who have posted have already reassured you that you really are not the only one who has felt so low in the first few weeks after their pup came home.
Be kind to yourself. I don't know what your situation is, whether you are on your own with the pup or if you are home with others. Either way, it is ok to take your pup out in the garden and after he has toiletted shut him in the kitchen and/or his crate and take a break yourself.
Baby puppies need plenty of time to sleep and new owners need to look after themselves. Talk with his breeder, they should offer support during these first few days.
Does Boden have runny poops? If he does, I really sympathise - it can make you feel very nervous, worried and fed up of cleaning.... Have you taken him to the vet for a check up?
Re him not knowing his name yet. If you are feeding him dry food keep a pocketful with you and everytime he comes up to you offer him a bit and say his name. Then try saying his name and holding out a treat - he'll soon be coming at the run when he hears his name.
Keep posting. Keep talking to us - we all want this to work for you if at all possible. Just accept it is tough to begin with, but it really does get better.
 

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Nicely said Marzi. :)

I feel like the odd man out here because I am the only voice saying there is no shame in admitting you made a mistake and owning up to it very quickly. I guess I am attending to some specific phrases Sourdough writes.

"I'm having massive problems"

"my anxiety has gone through the roof..."

"I can't eat and I'm incredibly stressed"

"I made a very poor decision to get him without realizing the massive weight of responsibility and restriction"

"I am calling out for help"

"I am in tears as I write this"

It doesn't sound at all like the usual "this puppy is driving me crazy, please help me" post. It sounds like more than that to me, like Sourdough is not enjoying it AT all and that something is not right.

The fact that there was not one hint of wanting to problem solve, in fact pup sounds perfect, makes me take pause. I think the name issue was just to say pup could easily be renamed. Why not a quick rehome to a family who is more certain?

I'll keep my fingers crossed that the rest of you are right and that this buyers remorse will be over soon for both of their sakes. :)
 

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"I made a very poor decision to get him without realizing the massive weight of responsibility and restriction"
This was what stood out for me. The hard work that a puppy brings can be overcome if it's what you really want but if you realise that the reality of the commitment is not what you want, that's the difference between whether it's something you can work through or if the pup would be better rehomed

I agree about calling up the breeder. They might have a waiting list with people ready to take him. He will adjust no problem going back to the breeder and to a new family. It will be far more upsetting for you than him

Good luck with whatever decision you make.
 

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I totally understand what you are feeling. I ridiculously thought that I could handle two puppies and seriously considered rehoming mine everyday for the first couple of weeks. It is exhausting being vigilant watching for signs of pees/poos, hoping you don't mess them up. If you aren't crating him, I suggest getting one for him. It was really the only time I ever was at peace the first couple of weeks. This way you will know that he is safe and you can turn your mind off. Also, I slept whenever they slept. Do only what you absolutely need to and the rest can wait. Be kind to yourself and the fact that you are worried about him is a sign of a very very good puppy owner. Once he has his shots and you can take him out it will make a world of difference. 15 min walks = hours and hours of sleep. It was a miracle for me. I left them for a couple of hours in the morning and a couple of hours in the evening everyday because of my schedule. And my dad who watched them in between made mess of things with the housebreaking. So even if things go wrong, it can still work itself out.


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Maureen - you worked miracles in having two from the same litter!
And it has surely paid dividends now.
Sourdough, please relax and enjoy your puppy, it is such early daysmistakes can be made, and it will be a learning curve.
Think of it as PND ...... Puppy natal Depression :D it is daunting, but so much fun and very rewarding.
Are you on your own with Bowden or is he in a family unit??
If you were to have him rehomed, would you want to re-sell him or just re-home him?
I hope it works out well for the both of you x
 

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Really sorry to read this. I really don't have anything to add except that I agree with what others have said about contacting the breeder. I am sure your breeder would want the puppy back if you aren't able to keep him.

I find these posts really difficult as every situation is different. Try and picture the long term and whether you are happy thinking of your life without your puppy. I really fought with my emotions with Lola in the first 2 weeks but when I thought of our lives without her (I could hardly bear the thought of not having her), I knew I wanted to work at it. As soon as I sorted this out in my head I relaxed, so did she and the rest was easy.
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
I've been really unfortunate in that the breeder has let me down on taking him back. She says it's too much stress for the mother. I've been in contact with Stephen from Jukeedoodles and he's been an amazing help. Our indoor cat who was feline influenza has been extremely stressed also and in the time he's been here she hasn't once been to the toilet. I'm not enjoying any aspect of owning this perfectly normal, healthy puppy and see it's something wrong with me, not him. After this experience I won't be taking in another puppy ever again, I don't have the emotional stability to be able to cope with the howling of shutting him in a crate, the late night wakeups and the stress of watching him 24/7. Rest be assured Stephen will be finding him a wonderful home with a secure, trusting family. This has been the hardest thing I've ever gone through :(
 

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I'm really sorry you had to go through this but it sounds like that was the best outcome for all of you, cat, pup, you and most especially his lucky new forever home.:) All best wishes to you! Hats off to Stephen for coming to the rescue like that.
 

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Maureen - you worked miracles in having two from the same litter!
And it has surely paid dividends now.

The biggest regret is that I worried too much and didn't just hang out and enjoyed them more when they were little. But they are amazing and I wouldn't take back even the most distressing moments because Lexi & Beemer are just amazing. :D


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I lost 10lb in the first two weeks of having Tilly (I was only 8.5 stone to start with!) because I was so worried and anxious. I used to sit and cry for no reason. I had a constant knotting feeling in the out of my stomach - I hated it!

After 2-3 weeks, each day got a very tiny bit easier (it took a while!!). Things that helped were my mum coming round for an hour or two to watch Tilly so I could get myself sorted (have a relaxing bath, go and do a food shop). Having a dog walker to help out a little. Ditching the crate because Tilly hated it. Lots of training with treats so we could build a relationship.

Fast forward 14 months and Tilly is the best thing that has ever happened to me. She is so easy to look after, there is no anxiety, no stress, just love. But it took a lot of hard work in those first couple of months!

Of course, if you genuinely feel that you cannot give your puppy the love and attention he needs then rehoming is an option - but rest assured that you aren't the first and certainly won't be that last person to go through this and that most of us come out of the other side with a huge sense of achievement and a beautiful dog.

Please keep us updated
 

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I've been really unfortunate in that the breeder has let me down on taking him back. She says it's too much stress for the mother. I've been in contact with Stephen from Jukeedoodles and he's been an amazing help. Our indoor cat who was feline influenza has been extremely stressed also and in the time he's been here she hasn't once been to the toilet. I'm not enjoying any aspect of owning this perfectly normal, healthy puppy and see it's something wrong with me, not him. After this experience I won't be taking in another puppy ever again, I don't have the emotional stability to be able to cope with the howling of shutting him in a crate, the late night wakeups and the stress of watching him 24/7. Rest be assured Stephen will be finding him a wonderful home with a secure, trusting family. This has been the hardest thing I've ever gone through :(
I am so sorry to read this for multiple reasons, but very glad that you are getting support and the pup will soon find another home.
I am sorry for you. How you imagine things may be and how reality turns out can be so far apart and the only way to get them together is work, time and love.
In a way I think that this thread should become a sticky as it highlights so clearly that getting a dog/puppy should never be an easy decision and it is important when buying a puppy that you discuss with the breeder what might happen if you cannot keep the puppy. I am very sad that your breeder is not prioritising the needs of the pup, in my opinion breeders have an ongoing responsibility for the pups they breed.
Lottie - thank you for sharing, your account of how your relationship with Tilly has changed so amazingly is really uplifting :D
 

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When we got Molly I was so overwhelmed for the first 3 weeks. I would dread having to take her out of her crate in the morning cause I knew it would be the start to nipping and crazy puppy behavior. I was with her all day the only peace I got was her nap times in her crate. I cried a lot and some days thought about giving her away. She was so active and crazy that at times I didn't really know what to do with her.

With time things did get better as she grew older and started her training. It was a long road at times but looking back at the way she is now I don't regret keeping her. She is the best dog now with a love and enthusiasm for life like I have never seen. I only found this site about a month after we had her and it helped me out a lot to realize that she was normal and that I wasn't the only one feeling like I did.

Glad that you have found someone that can help you with your puppy! I'm just glad that I stuck it out cause I would of missed out on an amazing dog. The hard work paid off in the end! Good luck to you and the puppy!:)
 

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I don't really know what to say! I'm glad the puppy will be getting a good home in the future. I know your already feel terrible Sourdough but this just underlines the importance of being 100% committed to a puppy before you actually get one. One good thing you say is that you will not be getting another puppy. I really don't want to sound unfair but passing a pup on after less than a week proves that the reality of puppies is so very different from the cute bundle of fluff and loveliness in a picture and unfortunately you weren't in the right place to give a good home. I really am sorry if I sound overly judgemental but there are too many puppies being taken home and sold on ASAP, when things aren't as easy as expected.
 
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